I really need to work that shit out. I need a mission statement. Because I either try to do nothing, or everything. Which means that absolutely nothing gets done well, which bugs me because I hate doing things badly, which then leads me to quit everything. Which in turn leads to all kinds of awkwardness (filed under: poverty, self-esteem problems, the scorn of peers and family).
Why do I do this? Because I'm really not a jerk. Au contraire, mon ami - I am the most self-destructive of all things: the people pleaser.
Was chatting with a friend, who is mighty successful, about how I feel really bad about how I'm being taken advantage of at work, which led to a conversation about how she manages her staff the other day.
Friend: Yeah, so the secret to managing people? You have to see what drives them.
Me: Well, you know, money's not really my main driving point, so I guess that makes me hard to manage...
Friend (cocks eyebrow, looks at me with indulgent mockery): So my one assistant... She's driven by wanting people to like her. So all I have to do to get her to do stuff? Pretend like I'm mad and don't like her until she does it.
Me: WHAT? Managers do that?!?! THAT'S ME!!! THAT'S SICK!
Friend: Yupp. Works though.
(By the way, I still think it's mean.)
People not liking me is WAY worse than kryptonite. It paralyses all of my critical faculties. It's part of what makes me seem like such a slacker - if you never say no, you end up doing things really badly. Which is why I need a list of priorities: I need things to hang onto when it comes to facing the wrath of my peers (and superiors. eeeeek.)
