Sounds like Snapping

So one of the problems about Operation Adulthood is that I'm trying to monitor MYSELF, rather than go for external validation. I still think this is sound - especially because I am naturally way too concerned about what other people think about me (I pretend that I'm not. But everyone who knows me knows that... well... I do care. And I'm often cripplingly self-critical). In that sense, keeping tabs on myself, and meeting standards I've set myself totally helps.

But... Because I've let myself get away with so much flakiness for so long, I also tend to have pretty low standards about some things. So: writing? Insanely and ridiculously high standards that disable me. Operation Adulthood stuff? Really, really LOW standards.

The other day, I thought I was doing super well on OA stuff - dealing with conflict at work. Now, I don't DO conflict. It's silly, but I don't. I took a little bit of conflict, and texted my sister for approval.

(Honestly, everything about that is Not Adult - I say something to my friends and bosses, and then I contact someone for APPROVAL? Especially the person I have most of my conflicts with?? Love her, but not the right move, and not the right person).

But what came of it was actually something pretty good. I recounted the situation, and then added "I'm really pleased, because usually, I just pretend everything's fine and that I'm OK for a long time and then I snap, and I know that's not fair." To which she replied "I don't know... Sounds like snapping".

She totally had a point - I was so wrapped up in my own, low, standards of not-dealing with conflict that I didn't see what was actually going on. Which was that, even though I didn't let this situation at work escalate to a complete disaster, I still let it go too far, for how I felt. Plus, what actually sucks is that the PATTERN is the same as the one that has gone towards the need for Operation Adulthood in the first place.

BUT! Onwards and upwards. I need to set those boundaries - and I need to do them without havign to ask for validation. Still, it's good to have people around who keep me honest. Sometimes.